January 8, 2010

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Today I called to find out if I needed to dispute a credit card charge for my brother's recent hotel stay (and leeching indecent) in Georgia. He came over from Alabama to basically get more money from my Mom. He had her withdraw all of the funds from three accounts at her bank and then close them (for what reason, I don't know). So that is what prompted us to go to the assisted living place and talk to my Mom the other night and ask her about why her bank accounts were closed.

I would have needed to dispute the credit card charge to the hotel if my brother had signed it, since he's not on the credit card account. But I talked to the woman who works at the hotel desk and she said my brother took the card out and paid the $112.00 but he had his "grandmother" sign for it. It's actually his mother but she is elderly, so maybe the woman thought it was his grandmother.

If he had signed the charge slip, we would have gone after him for the money. As it is, he will have to pay her styling bills if she wants to get her hair and nails done. That's what I told the caretaker at the assisted living place where she lives. That's also where my mom's salon is. She doesn't access her money so she wouldn't get money from anywhere else but Brian to pay her salon bill.

They continue to do things that are frustrating. He wrote some letters to me and he sent them to my Mom and not me. In the letters, he said he was going to mail me a copy. Then when he found out she lives where she does, he was going to send me a more forceful & hideous letter. The letters were slanderous; they were filled with malicious things. My brother said that he no longer considered me his sister, nor should I be considered my mother's daughter. He thought a lot about the things he said, it was obvious.

My husband always says not to put things down in writing; it can come back to bite you later and it is clear proof that something was stated. He's right and it can be a mistake - a regrettable one.

He wrote a bunch of dumb stuff in his letters and he lied too. He used obviously excessive terms and he was downright rude throughout. The letters made one thing clear - we don't want anything more to do with him. This is how I've felt for a long time but I think now my husband is getting how I felt before; Brian is not worth our time or anything else. Josh always wanted to prevent any family difficulty by evicting Brian from the house where he is just a tenant, (he's just a tenant since my Mother and father's name are on the mortgage; my dad is dead and my mom is in assisted living, with me as her legal guardian and conservator).

The other night it was fun cuz my husband took me to the Cavalia horse show. It was amazing and well worth the money. He took me out to dinner beforehand and I was loving it. I had a beer and then a Manhattan, which rocked. We left the place and I was buzzin'. I wanted to get another drink and I thought that because we were on a date too it would be cool. Although he said that no I couldn't because I had just had a beer and another drink so I should be fine.

There was a cheesecake restaurant with a bar and I thought it would be a great place to hang out until the show started, an hour away. Alas, it did not work out so my drink faded into oblivion while we sat and waited for the place to open so we could go into the show. It was enjoyable and a great show. It was very fun to hang out with my husband and be on a date. We don't do that often enough and we really should.

Now we just keep going with the same expectation as before; my Mom and Brian will continue their deceptive and awful behavior and we'll just deal.

S.L.M. 1.8.10 @ 5:29 PM

Friends, Family & Stuff Lately

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Last night Josh wanted to go to the assisted living place with the kids and their friends and visit my Mom. Part of why we went was to get her credit card and her driver's license, neither of which she needs anymore. The lady who runs the place agreed that a person going into assisted living does not need either, so off we went. The other part of the reason we went was to get her dirty, poopy comforter to have it cleaned.

I knew my husband might lock the keys in the car cuz he was highly distracted (4 kids, on the phone, stressed cuz of my Mom). Sure enough, when we finally went to leave a little after 9:00, we were locked out of the car.

Fortunately, we could wait inside where it was warm. The nice ladies let us all have crackers, cookies and ice water (the kids were parched). Three of the kids behaved themselves and one nut job kid was all over the floor and running and just acting up in general. He would not sit down when I told him firmly to do so. The others were great!

Today, the one kid who's trouble and a pain in the posterior, was supposed to wear mud boots outside. His parents are nuts about him doing anything or getting dirty or hurt, etc. They are just spastic parents in general. So Josh told Seth that in order to play outside, the kids should all wear protective footwear. This was a very simple direction. I was in bed so I couldn't see what was going on.

After a little while, Josh and I looked out the window and lo and behold, the kid was wearing his shoes, not mud boots, and his shoes were completely goobed in mud. Josh called out to Gabe and he came up to the front porch, filthy. I took his shoes to hose them off and they were nasty, caked with red clay.

Josh was furious. He took Seth up to the front porch and called Gabe outside. I was watching as Josh told Gabe that because of Gabe not listening, Seth was going to get a spank. Because they both didn't listen and follow directions, they saw the bad side of Josh. I felt badly for Seth but the principal was still there; he did not follow simple direction.

Gabe's parents came to pick him up, after he spent the night (by my request) and the parents had a night out since it was their anniversary. So when the parents got there, they joked as usual about stuff and there was some talking. Then Josh brought up what happened with Gabe and the mud. Right away, both parents were siding with the kids and they apologized to Seth for having gotten in trouble. That, obviously was not the issue. It had nothing to do with mud or anything else, it was not listening that caused the trouble.

So the parents didn't get it at all and said how they have the same problem of mud around their house too. That proved right there that they didn't understand the thrust of the issue or the issue at all.

There is always the risk that some other parents will get mad when their child comes over to spend time; that's just a given. With us (Josh and me), it seems to be just about inevitable. We seem to unknowingly anger parents at every turn. Oh well, we just want the kids to have fun and if something accidentally happens, big deal. We can only be so careful and as good as we can as guardians. We don't take chances with any kids and ours are very well behaved. It's not worth getting undies all twisted up about kids being kids.

Hey, Gabe's dog bit Tate in the stomach and we were fine since his injury was not serious at all. Gabe's parents were petrified to tell us and scared to death what we'd think when they did. We could have freaked out and gone off on Gabe's parents. They even said something like it's OK if we were really mad at them, they would understand. Like they could have helped what their dog did, or that they would have wanted it to happen. Tate said that they put ice on the bite, ointment then another kind of ointment and then a bandage. Tate asked why they were doing all of that. He said, "I can deal with it". I love my kids so much and there's another reason why I am proud of them - for toughing something out.

Gabe's parents left not long after the dad jokingly said how awkward it was on that note. Gabe had asked for the keys to start the car; it was probably feeling a little hot in the room for him. As he was going out the door, my husband asked him if there was something he wanted to say. Gabe said, "No" and then "I'm sorry" and turned to leave. Josh asked him if what he said was the way it really went. Gabe said that it was true the way Josh said. This way, it will be harder for Gabe to lie to his parents about what happened when the parents got alone with him.

Lately, we have been getting it from several directions and I am ready to be done for a while. My head is out of control and I am going to sleep early tonight, actually right after dinner if not before. This has just been unnecessary stress.

S.L.M 1.1.10 @ 12:35 PM

The Deception and Fraud Continue

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My brother, Brian, and my Mom continue to try to make life difficult for my husband and me. They have now closed all of the bank accounts they have access to. Why they did that, I have no idea. They withdrew all of the funds from three accounts but then they closed them all.

My Mom is going along with Brian the druggie brother to get him all of the cash that they can lay their hands on. As her legal guardian, I am responsible for her funds and making sure that her bills get paid. They are both desperate to get their hands on that money, I guess to fund his drug habit, who knows. Either way, she has been deemed incompetent by a court and cannot conduct business as such. Why she is able to get into these accounts and mess around, I do not know.

They also try, together, to get into and mess around with the mortgage account through Chase. The mortgage is on a worthless house in Alabama that is upside down in a loan (the house is worth less than the amount owed on it, by like, $20,000). Brian agreed, back in April, that he needed to find another place to live but ever since then he's been paying the mortgage, or trying to, so that he can stay in that house. The house needs to go and we've applied for a deed in lieu of foreclosure from Chase. They are so backed up with foreclosures right now though, it will be a while before we see the end of this.

Brian is living in the house for free because the loan is behind about $3500.00 and he hasn't paid the mortgage in months. They could foreclose at any time but instead of finding a place to live elsewhere, Brian is scrambling around with my Mom's will, trying to change it to say that he gets everything, including the house, if my Mom dies. Even if she died, he would still have to pay the mortgage to live there, but I guess he doesn't understand that. He is useless with saving money in any way, so he could not afford to live in that house no matter what. It seems like he would want to move to a place where he didn't have any maintenance. It all comes down to laziness as to why he won't move.

Brian got really mad because I denied him access to the mortgage company. He is not on the mortgage so he doesn't have any need or right to be calling in, trying to get information. My Mom has been declared incompetent and my Dad is dead, so the only one that should be communicating with the mortgage company is me. Unfortunately, that has been difficult to convey to Chase mortgage and impossible to convey to my Mom and Brian.

Sometimes, well most of the time, I would love to trade in this legal guardianship stuff. I would like to have someone who is non-biased deal with the two of them. They just sneak so much and lie to us so much that it wears us out!

Now that her bank accounts are closed, we will not be able to get the bank records that the court needs and that I am responsible to provide, to show her deposits and withdrawals and an explanation of each. We can't go back and get those records now that the accounts are closed. They are so intelligent - what was that supposed to accomplish?!

So Brian will do anything to get money, even if it's taking his mother's last $300 from her account. He got her into the ICU three times on drug overdoses, so there seems to be nothing he won't do for money (and drugs). He's "The Biggest User" for sure!

S.L.M. 12.30.09