Beer in the Morning

I love it how my husband says, "Shouldn't you be accomplishing more?" Or "Shouldn't you be doing something?" and I enjoy a beer in the morning.

It is not that I am an alcoholic and it is not that I am an alcoholic in denial; I grew up with two codependent parents - period. I don't have to explain anything because both my parents were codependent alcoholics either. It's just that sometimes beer and pizza in the morning is good.

Sometimes having fun and relaxing somewhere in the day is good and fun. You have to relax sometime, whether it is beer in the morning or relaxing sometime in the day. (I do not drink beer every morning by the way, nor have I said I do it; it's just a concept for you to wrap your mind around - like walking into a suddenly sunny room.)

You have to relax somewhere, otherwise what kind of person are you the rest of the time?

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Hey, some of the most tortured and famous minds were crazy people that were brilliant. That says nothing for me, I just wanted to add that.

Sometimes You Just Gotta Have Fun

Do you get tired of doing the same old stuff? Are there chances to do fun stuff in your life? I know I do and yeah, there are in my life.

Sometimes you have just got to have fun. You have to get out there and try new things.

Here is what I want to accomplish by ____________ set date. Or _____________ is what I have always wanted to do. Or what about some things you would like to learn from that you did in your life - that is still a positive view. Most of all have fun with it because that is our goal, right?

Time: Maybe there is no day or date or time table at all for you. Maybe family is a huge deal and because of that, time is a big thing.

Work: For most of us, work is a big thing, so we have to find time to try to have fun. We see movies and that version of people cutting loose and acting like they are having fun is unrealistic, silly or unproductive. But laughing and having fun is a productive thing in and of itself, right? If we are having a better day because we feel just a little more optimistic, that makes our work life just a little better too.

Movement: Just having the ability to make ourselves relax is getting harder to do in today's society. This is such a fast-paced nation in general that we keep moving in it and basically only vacations seem to make us stop and smell anything. By then it might be sour or it could reek and it might just be too late. Time is in perpetual movement.

Think for a second - reflect.. What does it take to make you slow down your pace in life? Do you feel wound up tight?

We do not have to move slower or be a bunch of goof-offs, just take a second to enjoy something, to think good of ourselves because we enjoyed something about our day or the sun shining or the birds or a balloon or something simple.

One time I saw a person write five random things about themselves and that could be one way to start. Does that help you start to relax enough to think about having fun? Well cool, then do it! What about five things you like about yourself? That could have a positive effect and help you find ways to just kick back and relax. Or five things you want to do before you die. A little out there for some people but not for others. It is just the idea that I try to do something, today, something fun.

"More of the time we have constraints in daily life because we are adults but I think it is the little stuff in between that matters the most." - That is my quote from myself today cuz I think it is well said. Stop and smell the roses or go full tilt, whatever!

Enjoy: Laugh, smile, enjoy what you have. It might just be gone before you know it. I think the adage about telling others you love them more often is true; we should learn to say it before it is too late. It is about who we are today that matters most to everyone around us and who we are inside as well. It makes us who we are I think because we have control over what shapes us.

Sometimes just do things that you never saw yourself doing, like having pizza and beer in the morning. Or try skipping work and going to an amusement park with your kids instead. Try crazy stuff that is just plain fun. If you want to do it and it is not too risky or even if it is and that is you then hey, sometimes you just gotta have fun!

My (Sometimes) Annoying Habits

I have some annoying habits sometimes, I mean everybody has them don't at least sometimes. Habits can make us rub each other the wrong way or make us annoying to other people. I know I have been annoyed by other people so I am sure I have had that effect on them.

Let's just see how slow I am about compiling this list; then how accurate others who know me think the list is! Try this 'annoying list' at home by the way, it's a real gas. Ha!

Some of the things I would say I do that I know are annoying are:

• Cracking my toes
• Forgetting to brush my teeth
  
• Cracking my neck
• Parking my car badly
• Stuttering sometimes
• Using word whiskers
• Judging others
  
• Dropping things
• Breaking stuff
  

Ready To Go On Our Trip

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

So tomorrow we leave to go on our business trip for the SEO class. I am happy to go with my husband but I will miss the kids. I think this trip will be better than last time.

(update: it was)

 

The Twilight Zone revisited

I love The Twilight Zone and I had interesting memories of it as a kid. It was the strange mysterious show I never understood, although it never completely creeped me out. It was strange enough that it intrigued me and it still does today. Full grown adults have memories they will talk about if asked in regards to this show.

Remember Rod Serling beginning the show? The unforgettable theme music while he said, "You're travling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundries are that of imagination. Your next stop - The Twilight Zone."

You knew nothing was off limits; you knew anything could happen. I remember one particular episode where a man lost his eye glasses. I never forgot the episode, called Time Enough At Last. Here is a synopsis: "A bookworm yearns for more time to read - then a nuclear holocaust leaves him alone in the world with lots of time, plenty to read and one ironic twist!"

Now part of my childhood can be revisited and enjoyed while I am online. I also like watching black and white TV shows like this and Alfred Hitchcock. It is cool to see the way people used to dress and conduct themselves back in the time these shows were filmed. It was such a different time

Morals have gone downhill in a very short time but these episodes are very interesting to watch. Enjoy!

Relationship & Our Trip

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

My Selfishness: I have written before about what a selfish person I am. I am so selfish that it is really bad. It makes me a miserable person and separately, a miserable person to be around.

Physical Pain: My headaches do make me unhappy, yes, but that does not account for how selfish I have become. I can be in pain and still not be allowing or trying to make everything revolve around me.

Past Breach: Tomorrow my husband and I will be leaving to go on a short business trip. On our last one, we had a sort of relationship breach on the way back. As of yet, we have never come back from it but instead we have worked around it, and it has been awkward. I saw a little more of my husband, which I have always wanted to be able to do. But what goes on inside his quiet mind is more than I fathomed.

I Get So Tired Of My Headaches

My Head: I have mentioned before that I have had daily chronic headaches for about 17 years. A friend of mine said, funny enough one week ago, that she thinks my headaches might correspond with the fact that I still have all of four of my wisdom teeth. My wisdom teeth came in when I was 16 and that was when my headaches started. I never thought about it, but that could be something. I have put up with some of the most excruciating headaches that have changed my life. The neurologists have told me that the headaches have caused depression and the depression can cause headaches. The headaches have been diagnosed as sinusitis, migraines, tension headaches, cluster headaches, or a combination of any of the above. I have had CAT scans, MRI scans, EKG scans, and many tests. My teeth ache, my face aches, my neck aches and my head aches all over the place at any given time of the day or whatever, it changes.

My History: I have taken medication for years. I have been to several neurologists and several medical doctors who have referred me around. There are so many medical receipts in my file that it is not even funny. I have been to a psychiatrist who gave me medication and for some time I even had panic and anxiety/depression so I can feel for people who experience this. My headaches do not have a label even though people seem to want to label them. No one has ever understood them. Our world moves way too fast for that and friends do not even seem to want to take time to want to understand or slow down to hear us out.

The Effects of Pain: I do not talk about try not to complain about my headaches to people. My in-laws think I am a complaining idiot for ever having a problem or being weak enough to have something wrong with me. Especially am I too weak, to them, to have a problem that does not show, like something that is not physically showing. Headaches are that awful thing like depression sufferers or other neurological patients have; no one sees your pain or your suffering. No one can actually really relate. I have often wished someone could plug me into a pain gauge so that they could see how badly I am hurting and that I am not making it up. Then I go through times where I think, "You know what, it doesn't matter what they think, forget them!" But it does matter to me what they think; I have always been like that. So it goes around in a cycle with me and my headaches continue.

Daily Life: Sometimes it hurts to move my eyes or turn my head. Sometimes getting out of the bed is out of the question, although this is rare, so I function on an irritated level. I have rebound headaches from medication as well. These are a different kind of headache and they can be as bad, sometimes, as the usual daily chronic headache. My typical headaches make me snappy. Sounds, especially loud abrupt ones really are awful. Bright lights can be bad but heat and cold really get to me, like a cold wind outside. I am just a waste for doing stuff because my heart rate cannot go up as my head will explode in a burst of pain. I have to take medication to function through the pain. It is blinding sometimes. I see lights, I cannot stand strong smells. I never get sick and throw up or get relief like that but I spend plenty of time nauseous. I would like to lay in a cold dark room but who gets that much luxury? I have to work, I have a husband and a family. I have to maintain a clean home and some semblance of a peaceful life. The pain gets me down in the dumps a lot and it is hard not to let the pain overwhelm my daily life.

As a Child: I fell when I was three, it was a story level in a house (or ten feet) and landed on concrete. What happened was my family had just moved into a house and my brothers were playing hide-and-go-seek. One brother hid me in a closet and told me to be quiet. I did just so but the bottom of the closet gave out since it was just cardboard and not a secure bottom at all. I fell and hit concrete. I hit my head but my neck healed rather straight instead of healing in the normal curve like everyone else (like on x-rays). So I do not know if that has anything to do with my headaches or not.

Optimism: I have been told many times, "I can help your headaches" or "This will help your headaches, just wait and see." I am very skeptical now. I was in one minor car accident with my brother where he was horsing around in his Mustang and my back got hurt and my leg ended up going numb and we went to the chiropractor. My brother felt really bad but who knows if this has anything to do with my headaches, I do not think so at all. That was when I was 13 and my headaches did not start for three years. My brother always wanted me to get help for my headaches and made my now-husband promise before we were married that he would help me with my pain. My husband has done everything he can and spent thousands of dollars of his own money trying to get me the best help he can for my headaches. He has been optimistic the whole time, trying.

What I Have Tried: Over the years, I have tried chiropractors, optometry for glasses and contacts (once they were off 8 clicks), a dental piece for my grinding teeth and TMJ, even a podiatrist for my feet, an attempt at acupuncture, a psychiatrist who recommended long-term methadone for chronic pain and a whole slew of medication at many neurologists in 13 years. It is so funny how many people have nicely and in the most naive way said to me, "Have you ever tried aspirin?" Ha! I just smile and pretty soon the conversation is over. I have been on percocet and vicodin - aspirin isn't going to cut it. I have tried completely coming off of any medication all together, for over a year at a time more than once, and so far nothing has worked. I am just about 'suggested' out by now, after 17 years. But when my friend mentioned my wisdom teeth, I actually got the chills. I never thought about it. The timing is right for when my headaches started and the thought of something possibly helping had almost completely gone out of my life.

What the Future Holds: I am going to have all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. I do not need them and they are just more maintenance. They have abscessed on me a few times and they can get cavities any time. On the other hand, I have never wanted to just go and get them yanked out, for one thing out of fear of dry socket, which can happen. I did not really see a need to just get them yanked out before my friend mentioned what she did. I thought I was just fine before with four wisdom teeth; hey they are called wisdom teeth right - more wisdom for me! Hardy har.

Teeth Headaches: Sometimes my headaches do seem to come from my face, right from my actual teeth. My husband knows my head is bad when I tell him my head hurts like this. I told this to my neurologist the very last time I went to see him on March 7th. Right then and there he said, as usual, "sinusitis" and said I should have a scan ordered up. That is too expensive with my insurance and unnecessary because I know I do not have sinusitis. I have had this scan many times and I know it will show I do not have this sinusitis. I am not going to pay to be misdiagnosed yet another time. I do not need to be patronized and he was amazingly fast at diagnosing me in our uber-fast appointment that day anyway. I wish I could make what a neurologist makes for what they can get away with in such a politically incorrect way. My head hurt too bad that day to let him know how completely incorrect what he was doing was. As a man, as a doctor. No way man, no way.

We Shall See: Anyway, my future plans are to get my wisdom teeth removed because it is almost as though I think the crowding could be, if nothing else, adding to my headaches that NO ONE seems to be able to diagnose. The mystery headaches - wow how cool to have them at least better. Then I would not have to take so much medication that is so hard on my insides with the side effects that it has. So, we shall see.

Cymbalta Trial Then It Dropped

What Happened: I went to the neurologist for my typical headache appointment. I have had headaches for roughly 17 years. This is my second time seeing this particular doctor and it is within the usual two month time span seeing him. The neurologist asked if I am sleeping good and he moves uber fast in his appointments, of course (all at a $50 copay for me of course). So I said, actually I am not. He suggested, literally that fast, that I must be depressed. He then said I should try anti-depressants (again in my life I cycle this way, since chronic daily headaches can make a person depressed) and he said Cymbalta is a good way to go. I agreed because of the pain relief factor Cymbalta provides. I do no know if I am really depressed or not, who knows anymore, but this is just what happened. It really happened that fast and just that way.

The Trial Medication: This neurologist was kind enough to give me medication samples to get started on 30mg of Cymbalta for one week to start up and then build to 60mg daily, which is what I used to take a few years ago. I asked the doctor during the appointment what I should do if my insurance company (Kaiser Permanente) does not approve this medication, as they often do not do with medications. This becomes a difficulty because I start on a trial and then my insurance company gives me the runaround. The doctor said this should not be any problem with my insurance company. I told him when I took this medication a few years ago there was a problem so what alternative is there? He offered nothing and sent me packing with my trials for this and another medication.

As a Patient Now: The medication trial period is now over (March 7th was my appointment) and I have been on the phone several times with my neurologist, Kaiser Permanente and Rite Aid. No one can answer my questions about why I cannot get my prescription filled. I had this medication in the past and now I cannot seem to get it approved through this "prior authorization" mumbo jumbo. I was starting to feel a little better from the Cymbalta after a few weeks but the trials have all run out. Now I am snappy and my family does not appreciate it very much. I do not appreciate it at all. Rite Aid gave me an 800 number at Kaiser Permanente to call to "push it through" to get prior authorization on the Cymbalta with Kaiser Permanente. They told me that if enough people call then it might get this medication approved (??). I do not know what in the green earth that is supposed to mean. That sounds like getting a bill passed through congress or something, like years.

Rite Aid has been telling me along the way that there are alternatives to Cymbalta that I am approved for, like Prozac, but I prefer Cymbalta because it also relieves pain. Now I am stuck because I have paid the $50 copay and told the neurologist this would/could happen, that Kaiser likely would not cover Cymbalta and now I am flailing around trying to be my own advocate in this cycle.

Dropped and Cycling: I do not go back to the neurologist for my typical two-month span now, and they are not returning my calls. Kaiser Permanente is not interested in returning my calls either. Rite Aid has done everything they can and has been very nice about helping me. Can you believe I have been run around as a potential anti-depressant patient? Wow, I could be on anti-depressants and I have basically I would like to hire a medical advocate if such a thing exists. Doctors think a person is a nut (or love to condescend - speaking down to a person) whenever someone speaks their mind a sounds like they actually know what they are talking about. I think a person knows what is going on for themselves, no matter what young medical students are told in school or before they are doctors or how cool it is while they are doctors. Even if doctors get tired of hearing patients diagnose themselves, and I am sure they do get tired of it; I get sick and tired of getting the run around in general as a patient. I have been dropped and I am cycling.

What I Learned About Appreciation

Me: I am a mother and a wife and I like to say it like it is. This blog is for honesty and it is who I really am. I have led a life that is easy and I consider myself a very fortunate person. I have had an easy life, I say, because there are so many things that I take for granted living where I do and 'having it as easy' as I do.

Appreciation: This can be used in a good way, of course, because I can appreciate, even more so, the things that I have. I can help my children to see what they have in their life and how they can help others. So few people (in America it seems) appreciate what they have today. My husband and I have always said that if we lived even a hundred years ago we would have been happier. People have said that but we really mean it. My husband really does; I can say it but he really means it.

My Selfishness: I consider myself a very selfish person. Just look at how many times I have used the word "I" so far in this post and will likely continue to do so too - ha! There are so many self-centered people in the world that it can get us down and out sometimes. Look at how many people in America are on anti-depressants and have therapy.

Our Business Trip: My husband and I recently went on a business trip, just the two of us (we work together). We ended up talking, eventually. He got very mad because a friend of his we had stayed with had done something rather interesting. His friend is married and they said we could stay with them a few weeks before we arrived. My husband had not seen his friend in fifteen years and I had never met his friend or his friend's wife. We drove over five hours to get there and his friend taught a class we were attending.

Not Staying Over: After the second day of the class, we met with the friend for some additional work-related business one-on-one. We left that meeting and it was late but these two guys are long-time friends we are talking about here, so my husband and I give the guy a call. We told him we see it is later than we realized and now we would like to get some dinner and we would like to know if he and his wife would like to join us for dinner. He calls his wife, who works about two days a week, a few hours each day for his business. The wife was too tired (my husband politely interjected "completely exhausted and emotionally spent" - what?) to join us for dinner; even though the couple had told us previously we were welcome to stay another night if it got too late to drive the 5+ hours back, we were nixed on the staying the night thing. The friend also knows my husband really well, having been his former roommate, knowing that he cannot get on the road at night and drive late - he is NO good after 9 pm, really. (FYI, I had taken quite a bit of medication, so I could not drive that night).

Our Reaction: As we got this tidbit of news it was a big deal for my husband, and I had a really hard time understanding what was going on. We sat at the restaurant and I tried to get that. The couple who had previously extended an invitation said they weren't going to be able to accommodate us for the night. We found out later that they said they checked with two other couples who also could not accommodate us for the night - bummer. Can people really say "You are welcome to stay with us" and then renege? I mean, I am sure people do and that is no big deal in the real world for real adults and we dealt with it. We just got a hotel room and paid too much when they could have just let us stay there after they said we could! It is just irritating.

Appreciation: Anyway, now that I have had my vent, it really goes back to appreciation. When we left that area, my husband and I had it out in the car. The reason was because he said he never wants me to show what was shown to us, or not shown. He said that if any one of our friends wanted to spend the night with us, he would never turn his friends out on the road. The kind of attitude that they showed and the lack of appreciation is something that my husband was turned away from and that is something he does not want in his family - for his wife or his kids. He wanted me to appreciate that we have everything so good in this country, in life in general. He said that as a wife I have everything I need and I should not complain, which is true. I had spent a lot of the trip complaining really. Being a big spoiled brat is not going to make me a better person and not going to make me look better or make anyone like me or love me any more or draw me closer to God. So I did need the consideration regarding appreciation. Whether I took it personally and yet again became selfish over what he was saying was up to me.

What I Learned: I would say that overall I learned that I am still learning and I have a tremendous amount of work to do. That day traveling home was a shock to see my husband get that upset. He is very quiet and level-headed. He got hot though because he did not like the indecency that was shown by a friend. When we got home he had me do research on lack of appreciation, selfishness and a complaining spirit. I would say that I definitely learned more about these subjects and how they apply to me. Overall he wants there to be peace in our house, for me to be a wife with a 'quiet and mild spirit' and that I be just that good kind of wife that cooks and keeps the house clean and cares lovingly for her children. I do try to do these things and I fail miserably almost 98% of the time.

My Assessment: I feel like I am backsliding, like I was doing better earlier in my marriage than I am now and each day it gets worse. It seems like I run out of "I'm sorry" times and excuses for why I am so awful. Even saying that I am awful and a bad person does not work, even though I honestly feel it is true. I look around at my in-laws and others around me - my husband and friends and others and they are all good people. I do not think I am a good person or worthy of anything. I am not depressed about it, I can just answer straight out that I am not a good person. I do not like myself so it is hard for people to like me, isn't that what they say? I just need to learn to appreciate what I have because so very many people do not have anything near what I do. I have to stop being so selfish, even about not being worthy - that in itself is selfish. I was crying and so upset once and my husband told me I was just being selfish. I could not believe it and I was so shocked that it actually made me mad. He told me that he was feeling suicidal and his dad told him he was being selfish and talked to him about it and reasoned with him. My husband is such an exceptional person that it blows my mind, really. I see the need to change and I guess that what I have learned most; I have to just keep trying and it is a constant challenge for me to overcome selfishness and work on appreciation.

My Husband Is So Great At Being A Father

click the image to enlarge

This is just an example of how good this Daddy is with his kids. He takes them out and plays ball with them all of the time. Even just a little bit past when they are supposed to be taking their shower or going to bed, he's out playing ball with them. He prays with them, plays with them, reads with them, teaches them things, and practices what he preaches, literally. This man is awesome and I love him so very much; I am amazed at how I was able to find such a wonderful man. I know how I found him, and it is only that we serve the same wonderful heavenly Father. I thank Him all of the time for such a great husband to me and father to his kids. He is the best!

I Love My Kids - Creative Thinker and Serious Crazy

Unique: I love how my two kids are different. I have heard it said that people could have a bunch of kids and each one would be completely different. I believe that and see it in kids in all families. I watched this program on TV once where a family had twelve kids and they were home schooled. Each child was different and unique and we just love them so much for that.

Serious Crazy: My oldest son is serious crazy. This seems a contradiction in terms, however it is the case with this kid. He is serious and does not seem to be imaginative, as is the case with his father. He likes things to be within the lines and in the box. He is serious in that he likes things just so but yet he is crazy because he can cut loose most all of the time. He sings in the shower, he makes noise in the car, he is just an all out nut. This is just part of why we love him so very much! There is hardly any time where he cannot make sound effects for something. But he has to see the rules in things and I just love how he is so serious about stuff. I mean the kid just rocks.

Creative Thinker: One of my kids is a creative thinker. He waits to answer most any question he's asked, therefore he is a thinker. He's also creative: he's a writer, a picture taker, an imaginative sort (he really is writing a non-fiction book - he told me that it is). He's mushy and squishy - he says he loves me all of the time and he wants to sit with me and give me love. He's always been a kid that thinks about stuff though; when a person asks him something he is not impetuous. He does not act rashly but thinks and answers later. He has a big vocabulary but he is not trying to impress anybody, he is not an annoying child.

Best Friends: My kids are so different but yet they are the best of friends, really. I am not just a parent who is in la-la land here. My kids really do get along and always have. They are almost exactly two years apart and my oldest son declared the younger one his best friend when he was two; that has never changed. I would not change anything about my kids or their relationship. I am very fortunate to have two boys, two years apart. I remember people would see me in the store and say how awful it must be or that I must have my hands full or just wait, it will get worse. It hasn't and I have not looked back. I love my kids so very much. I want to encourage these best friends and the differences just make them better every day.

So We Are Going On Another Business Trip

The Trip: This is an ok idea, the business trip. Our trip will be to a class, which is roughly 5+ hours from where we live. We will be bettering our business by taking the class together, my husband and I. It will be fun to take the trip, although we will both miss our kids.

Our Business: I work with my husband, whom I feel is a genius. He is very good at what he does. He is patient and the business could not function without him. He is the SEO and I am the web and design. Our jobs overlap sometimes but for the most part, we have our set jobs and we work pretty well together. We also work with my father-in-law, without whom the business could not function properly. So we are a three-person team and we also work with other people who are an integral part of what we do as a business. Our business is selling steel structures nationwide, like carports and garages and the like. I am fortunate to enjoy what I do and I try to make the site better all of the time. I am also in the process of redesigning a website that I am working on, so I try to get information on how to make it better as I go. Overall, I try to keep a level head in the business world; I think we both do, since our family comes first in our lives.

The Class: We will be going to a two-day class to benefit our business regarding . We have gone to another class taught by this same individual in the past, whom I do not care to plug at this particular time, for reasons I am not going to go into. The class should prove to be very informative and well worth the money. It will be nice to go to the class as a couple and the class will be a definite asset to our business.

This Time: We have already booked a hotel, so we will not be counting on anyone's hospitality. I do not think I will vent about the last business trip and the class we took so if you want to, you can read about it here. This time we are going to go to the class, learn from it and stay in a hotel and do just fine. It is a waste of hotel funds, we feel, but that is water under the bridge. This time is this time and we will make something new of it, no big deal. It will be nice and it will be a learning experience.

In Conclusion: I think I learned about our last business trip class. I am sure it taught me more than what it was designed to teach me but that is a good thing. Hey, I get to go on a total of about three days away time with my husband and learn something new with him. We get to go to a hotel, have dinner out and enjoy time with each other. We will learn something new and enjoy each other's company - so I cannot complain. Is this a business trip after all? Ha!

The In-Laws Out-Laws Thing

My Family: I happen to live closer to my in-laws, all of them, than I do my own family, any of them. My family all lives out of state. My in-laws all live down the road from me and I see them several times per week. The close proximity of the in-laws is coincidental. The out-of-state family thing is ok with me and not a big deal. I am not close to my own family and I have never had a close mother/daughter relationship so that is fine. She started to want to get close to me after I got married and of course after the birth of her grandkids, the latter of which is understandable. So the family thing gets tricky for me. My parents also do not like my in-laws, for reasons different than mine. My kids stay overnight frequently with all of my in-laws, which I have no problem at all with - I respect all of my extended family and I would like my kids to as well. (Side point here, I could totally go for some tomatoes and fresh mozzarella - yummy).

The In-Laws: I have two sister-in-laws, his two younger sisters, and my husband's parents who are my in-laws. I have had a problem with my in-laws almost from the beginning (notice I say "I have had a problem" - everyone I am sure, would say they are all fine - I am the strange one). I think I could say from before the beginning I have had the problem. I guess most people could say they do and if you do not, you are fortunate. I have thought for years that the problem with my in-laws stemmed from me. I became overweight for a few years and I thought that the reason they didn't like me was because I was fat. I really believed this and I just knew that if I were to lose weight, my in-laws would like me. They have never really liked me.

One Time: I remember one particularly embarrassing moment when my husband had basically had enough of that scenario (me wondering why they didn't like me and if it had to do with self-image). So we were at the dinner table and he straight out asked them if they liked me. I wanted to crawl under the dinner table and pretend I did not exist, ever. I had an out-of-body experience where I thought it almost was not happening, but it was.

The one sister-in-law who can just walk away while you are still talking to her, or completely ignore her while she and you are still both standing there, slid her chair away from the table and made her escape. The other sister-in-law, my husband's youngest sister, stayed because I guess she was the most caught, and said, as though I was not still in the room, "Ya, I sort of like Sharon, she's ok." Now I was choking. This was early on in our marriage and I really didn't know her that well and neither had I given her any reason to strongly dislike me. She did not know me either. How do you walk away from that with a face left on your face? Aw now that was rough. I remember it as clear as day and that was about twelve years ago.

Effects: It is not good to remember things that are not healthy for me but I do it all of the time. This has been bad in my marriage. My husband also tells me how it is not good to remember every little bad thing, which of course I do not do (remember every bad thing) but I do remember a lot of bad stuff and the effects are not good. It is just a big pain the way things are with the in-laws.

Atlanta's Tornado - Such a Photo

(click the image to enlarge)

This amazing image from a local photographer, Shane Durrance, actually shows an EF-2 tornado sweeping across downtown Atlanta. It is an amazing image, capturing color and lights in striking timing and movement.

Shane Durrance was on top of his condominium when he saw the potential for a great photo of the downtown area. He took the photo just as 11Alive's Paul Ossmann (the weather guy) was talking about tornado warnings in Atlanta .

Durrance, who is an acquaintance of Ossmann's, sent the photo to 11Alive and said he believed he'd missed catching the tornado on film. But after Ossmann reviewed the picture, he assured Durrance that he had indeed gotten the shot. The picture shows a light-gray vertical strip of what looks like clouds connecting the cityscape to the larger clouds above.

Look to the left of Atlanta, not the middle of the picture. That is the actual tornado. Ossmann said it didn't look like the usual sort of funnel cloud because it was embedded in rain showers at the time of the photograph.