Me: I am a mother and a wife and I like to say it like it is. This blog is for honesty and it is who I really am. I have led a life that is easy and I consider myself a very fortunate person. I have had an easy life, I say, because there are so many things that I take for granted living where I do and 'having it as easy' as I do.
Appreciation: This can be used in a good way, of course, because I can appreciate, even more so, the things that I have. I can help my children to see what they have in their life and how they can help others. So few people (in America it seems) appreciate what they have today. My husband and I have always said that if we lived even a hundred years ago we would have been happier. People have said that but we really mean it. My husband really does; I can say it but he really means it.
My Selfishness: I consider myself a very selfish person. Just look at how many times I have used the word "I" so far in this post and will likely continue to do so too - ha! There are so many self-centered people in the world that it can get us down and out sometimes. Look at how many people in America are on anti-depressants and have therapy.
Our Business Trip: My husband and I recently went on a business trip, just the two of us (we work together). We ended up talking, eventually. He got very mad because a friend of his we had stayed with had done something rather interesting. His friend is married and they said we could stay with them a few weeks before we arrived. My husband had not seen his friend in fifteen years and I had never met his friend or his friend's wife. We drove over five hours to get there and his friend taught a class we were attending.
Not Staying Over: After the second day of the class, we met with the friend for some additional work-related business one-on-one. We left that meeting and it was late but these two guys are long-time friends we are talking about here, so my husband and I give the guy a call. We told him we see it is later than we realized and now we would like to get some dinner and we would like to know if he and his wife would like to join us for dinner. He calls his wife, who works about two days a week, a few hours each day for his business. The wife was too tired (my husband politely interjected "completely exhausted and emotionally spent" - what?) to join us for dinner; even though the couple had told us previously we were welcome to stay another night if it got too late to drive the 5+ hours back, we were nixed on the staying the night thing. The friend also knows my husband really well, having been his former roommate, knowing that he cannot get on the road at night and drive late - he is NO good after 9 pm, really. (FYI, I had taken quite a bit of medication, so I could not drive that night).
Our Reaction: As we got this tidbit of news it was a big deal for my husband, and I had a really hard time understanding what was going on. We sat at the restaurant and I tried to get that. The couple who had previously extended an invitation said they weren't going to be able to accommodate us for the night. We found out later that they said they checked with two other couples who also could not accommodate us for the night - bummer. Can people really say "You are welcome to stay with us" and then renege? I mean, I am sure people do and that is no big deal in the real world for real adults and we dealt with it. We just got a hotel room and paid too much when they could have just let us stay there after they said we could! It is just irritating.
Appreciation: Anyway, now that I have had my vent, it really goes back to appreciation. When we left that area, my husband and I had it out in the car. The reason was because he said he never wants me to show what was shown to us, or not shown. He said that if any one of our friends wanted to spend the night with us, he would never turn his friends out on the road. The kind of attitude that they showed and the lack of appreciation is something that my husband was turned away from and that is something he does not want in his family - for his wife or his kids. He wanted me to appreciate that we have everything so good in this country, in life in general. He said that as a wife I have everything I need and I should not complain, which is true. I had spent a lot of the trip complaining really. Being a big spoiled brat is not going to make me a better person and not going to make me look better or make anyone like me or love me any more or draw me closer to God. So I did need the consideration regarding appreciation. Whether I took it personally and yet again became selfish over what he was saying was up to me.
What I Learned: I would say that overall I learned that I am still learning and I have a tremendous amount of work to do. That day traveling home was a shock to see my husband get that upset. He is very quiet and level-headed. He got hot though because he did not like the indecency that was shown by a friend. When we got home he had me do research on lack of appreciation, selfishness and a complaining spirit. I would say that I definitely learned more about these subjects and how they apply to me. Overall he wants there to be peace in our house, for me to be a wife with a 'quiet and mild spirit' and that I be just that good kind of wife that cooks and keeps the house clean and cares lovingly for her children. I do try to do these things and I fail miserably almost 98% of the time.
My Assessment: I feel like I am backsliding, like I was doing better earlier in my marriage than I am now and each day it gets worse. It seems like I run out of "I'm sorry" times and excuses for why I am so awful. Even saying that I am awful and a bad person does not work, even though I honestly feel it is true. I look around at my in-laws and others around me - my husband and friends and others and they are all good people. I do not think I am a good person or worthy of anything. I am not depressed about it, I can just answer straight out that I am not a good person. I do not like myself so it is hard for people to like me, isn't that what they say? I just need to learn to appreciate what I have because so very many people do not have anything near what I do. I have to stop being so selfish, even about not being worthy - that in itself is selfish. I was crying and so upset once and my husband told me I was just being selfish. I could not believe it and I was so shocked that it actually made me mad. He told me that he was feeling suicidal and his dad told him he was being selfish and talked to him about it and reasoned with him. My husband is such an exceptional person that it blows my mind, really. I see the need to change and I guess that what I have learned most; I have to just keep trying and it is a constant challenge for me to overcome selfishness and work on appreciation.
Appreciation: This can be used in a good way, of course, because I can appreciate, even more so, the things that I have. I can help my children to see what they have in their life and how they can help others. So few people (in America it seems) appreciate what they have today. My husband and I have always said that if we lived even a hundred years ago we would have been happier. People have said that but we really mean it. My husband really does; I can say it but he really means it.
My Selfishness: I consider myself a very selfish person. Just look at how many times I have used the word "I" so far in this post and will likely continue to do so too - ha! There are so many self-centered people in the world that it can get us down and out sometimes. Look at how many people in America are on anti-depressants and have therapy.
Our Business Trip: My husband and I recently went on a business trip, just the two of us (we work together). We ended up talking, eventually. He got very mad because a friend of his we had stayed with had done something rather interesting. His friend is married and they said we could stay with them a few weeks before we arrived. My husband had not seen his friend in fifteen years and I had never met his friend or his friend's wife. We drove over five hours to get there and his friend taught a class we were attending.
Not Staying Over: After the second day of the class, we met with the friend for some additional work-related business one-on-one. We left that meeting and it was late but these two guys are long-time friends we are talking about here, so my husband and I give the guy a call. We told him we see it is later than we realized and now we would like to get some dinner and we would like to know if he and his wife would like to join us for dinner. He calls his wife, who works about two days a week, a few hours each day for his business. The wife was too tired (my husband politely interjected "completely exhausted and emotionally spent" - what?) to join us for dinner; even though the couple had told us previously we were welcome to stay another night if it got too late to drive the 5+ hours back, we were nixed on the staying the night thing. The friend also knows my husband really well, having been his former roommate, knowing that he cannot get on the road at night and drive late - he is NO good after 9 pm, really. (FYI, I had taken quite a bit of medication, so I could not drive that night).
Our Reaction: As we got this tidbit of news it was a big deal for my husband, and I had a really hard time understanding what was going on. We sat at the restaurant and I tried to get that. The couple who had previously extended an invitation said they weren't going to be able to accommodate us for the night. We found out later that they said they checked with two other couples who also could not accommodate us for the night - bummer. Can people really say "You are welcome to stay with us" and then renege? I mean, I am sure people do and that is no big deal in the real world for real adults and we dealt with it. We just got a hotel room and paid too much when they could have just let us stay there after they said we could! It is just irritating.
Appreciation: Anyway, now that I have had my vent, it really goes back to appreciation. When we left that area, my husband and I had it out in the car. The reason was because he said he never wants me to show what was shown to us, or not shown. He said that if any one of our friends wanted to spend the night with us, he would never turn his friends out on the road. The kind of attitude that they showed and the lack of appreciation is something that my husband was turned away from and that is something he does not want in his family - for his wife or his kids. He wanted me to appreciate that we have everything so good in this country, in life in general. He said that as a wife I have everything I need and I should not complain, which is true. I had spent a lot of the trip complaining really. Being a big spoiled brat is not going to make me a better person and not going to make me look better or make anyone like me or love me any more or draw me closer to God. So I did need the consideration regarding appreciation. Whether I took it personally and yet again became selfish over what he was saying was up to me.
What I Learned: I would say that overall I learned that I am still learning and I have a tremendous amount of work to do. That day traveling home was a shock to see my husband get that upset. He is very quiet and level-headed. He got hot though because he did not like the indecency that was shown by a friend. When we got home he had me do research on lack of appreciation, selfishness and a complaining spirit. I would say that I definitely learned more about these subjects and how they apply to me. Overall he wants there to be peace in our house, for me to be a wife with a 'quiet and mild spirit' and that I be just that good kind of wife that cooks and keeps the house clean and cares lovingly for her children. I do try to do these things and I fail miserably almost 98% of the time.
My Assessment: I feel like I am backsliding, like I was doing better earlier in my marriage than I am now and each day it gets worse. It seems like I run out of "I'm sorry" times and excuses for why I am so awful. Even saying that I am awful and a bad person does not work, even though I honestly feel it is true. I look around at my in-laws and others around me - my husband and friends and others and they are all good people. I do not think I am a good person or worthy of anything. I am not depressed about it, I can just answer straight out that I am not a good person. I do not like myself so it is hard for people to like me, isn't that what they say? I just need to learn to appreciate what I have because so very many people do not have anything near what I do. I have to stop being so selfish, even about not being worthy - that in itself is selfish. I was crying and so upset once and my husband told me I was just being selfish. I could not believe it and I was so shocked that it actually made me mad. He told me that he was feeling suicidal and his dad told him he was being selfish and talked to him about it and reasoned with him. My husband is such an exceptional person that it blows my mind, really. I see the need to change and I guess that what I have learned most; I have to just keep trying and it is a constant challenge for me to overcome selfishness and work on appreciation.
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