My Elderly Mother Does Not Like Living With Me

Caregiving For The Elderly - In Your Own Home

I can only imagine what it would be like to live with me. I would not be as nice as my Mom has been to me.

The reason she has to live here is because I am the legal guardian and conservator to a non-minor (my mother). I am my mother's caregiver and my goal is to look out for her best interests daily, however, I am sure she would tell you differently.

The reason my mother lives with me is this: While addicted to drugs herself, she was in the ICU for the 3rd time in a few months and while living with my drug-addicted brother. The ICU doctor made it evident that she was not going to go back into that situation and that she either had to now live with another willing family member or be placed in a state institution (elderly home). I made it clear she would be coming home with us.

It is evident that she does not like living with me. She has said so to my brother and other family members and she has made it abundantly clear to me. I don't blame her for feeling this way because she has had many changes in her life recently.

My Dad died July 9, 2008 and that was shocking to my Mom. My parents were married 55 years shortly before my Dad's death. My Mom describes her decline as 'not taking care of herself' because of her husband's death. She has been an addict as long as I have known her (alcoholic) and she started abusing narcotics about 5-1/2 years ago.

At 76, my Mom has gone through two detox processes in our home. I am and always have been more than willing to care for my mother's needs, despite her addictions. Fast forward to now.

Now my Mom uses any opportunity she can to make it clear that she does not like living in our home. She gives me the silent treatment, doesn't talk with my kids much and shows a general disdain for the household & family. It is really getting old.

Everyone tells me it will get better and even that it has to get worse before it gets better. Hmm...I am wondering how this advice is a)helpful or b)true at this point. It has gotten worse and I don't see it getting better until she has 'her way'. She even told me, in front of my husband, "You're going to be sorry". Yeah well, she is right on that point for sure!

Elderly Health Care for an Addict

Caregiving for the Elderly Addict

My elderly mother moved in with my husband and me and our kids in December 2008. When she did, there came many changes in what we are used to in our family, including Medicare and a slew of doctors and medical things and even detox, twice.

Today I transferred her 14 prescriptions from a Rite Aid pharmacy to a Kroger pharmacy. By doing this, I hope to save a lot of money. For instance, one prescription of Lyrica was $138.48 at Rite Aid, and that was after repeated attempts to file through Medicare and AARP supplemental insurance coverage. We shall see what the savings is with Kroger.

The other night, my Mom had to go to the emergency room with what we thought may have been a spider bite. She had severe pain emanating from her big toe. It was dark red then purplish and swelling up to her ankle. The ER doctor dismissed the bite concept and said it was either gout or an infection. He did not do an x-ray or bloodwork (in fact, no testing whatsoever) but sent her home with a shot and pain pills, even though she's an addict, (She has had severe problems with recent detox and is elderly so she is even more affected by narcotics).

We left the ER with the ER doctor's narcotics prescription. We went to a 24-hour CVS to fill the prescription. I provided my Mom's Medicare insurance information and AARP supplemental prescription coverage card when filling the prescriptions., as always The pharmacist incorrectly thought that her ss number was on the front of the Medicare card. When that was cleared up, the claim went through correctly and the two prescriptions were very cheap; one was $3.18 and the other was $3.42 - I was impressed.

We followed up with an appointment to her PCP (Primary Care Physician) the next day. He did an x-ray and said there was a swelling on her bone. I saw the x-ray and it was clearly evident. He said she has arthritis at 76, out of nowhere. So he said to prop her foot up when she is seated and soak her foot 3x's/day and that's it, no more. She should stop the pain pills right away that the ER doctor prescribed, due to her dependence problem (thank you). Her foot looks awful and this is from following the 'doctor's orders'. Ha!

I am surprised that with my age of 33, my Mom would have moved in with my family and I would have been learning so much about elderly health care. I have had to do so out of necessity. Needless to say, we had to take her off of the pain pills and 'trick' her into thinking she was taking them still. We have had to do this other times with different types of pills. Now she is taking prescription ibuprofen instead of Lortab. I am sure she knows the difference but a big white pill that is new is better than nothing. It is just so pitifully sad. I feel awful that she is in pain but if she starts on a narcotic now she will be on a downward spiral, her doctor said. He also said that the Lortab will do her absolutely no good so I do not feel so badly about that part. We are actually doing good and doing her some 'elderly health care' at the same time, in a way. Ack. It's so messed up.

SLM 6.12.09